How to Ignite Your Irresistibility
As someone that has been on the other side, i.e. thinking I will be living in singlehood forever and then attracted the most suited person to be my husband and life partner, I was aware that it was the power of self love that helped me the most in this aspect.
That’s why I created the program Attraction: The True Story About Self Love for WHIIPS the acronym for Women who are Hot, Intelligent, Introverted and in their Prime :-). And in this post, I want to expand on how we can be attracting and manifesting the relationship and man that is totally right for us not just using self love but just by upping our irresistibilityness..if that is a word.
Here are a couple of tips that I got from Marie Forleo, the author of Make Every Man Person Want You. Despite the cheesy sounding name of the book title, it has plenty of solid tips and advice to become the type of person (woman) that everyone wants to get a piece of / hang out with, without selling out.
Trash your checklist
Get rid of your fucking list please. If your list is full of superficial shit then burn it. In my work with my lovelorn clients, I do tell them to write down the type of man they are looking for and not a list of bullshit criteria e.g. rich, drive a Porsche, owns 5 condos but more valuable human traits such as kindness, intelligent, loves travelling, has empathy.. So if you have superficial checklist, get rid of it so that you can have more space in your aura to attract a good man not a fake man.
Get rid of your victim mentality
You are the hero of your own life movie. Have you watched any superheroes movie? If they have stayed being a victim (they all start as a victim by the way), would anyone want to watch the movie at all? Would you even cheer them on?. So think about it, no one likes to hang around with a whiner, someone that thinks life is out to get them. The truth is life is here for you. Your life is waiting for you to give it meaning and purpose. So take up the challenge and forgive the people who you think have wronged you or the universe that has been giving you sourgrapes, make a juice out of it. When you stop seeing yourself as a victim, the energy you bring out is different and you will see that life is mainly a mirror of who you are.
Quit complaining and start appreciating what is and live
Similar to seeing yourself as a victim, complaining really gets you nowhere. It has no value, it takes up space and energy and it keeps you trapped. Instead, look for solutions and if there are no solutions move on. The stress and negativity does not come from people or situation, its more of your thoughts about it and then how these thoughts make you feel. Practice living in the present and appreciating what is, what is happening at this moment and truly live. You don’t need to thrive, just live and enjoy the small moments of it. When you are eating ice cream, truly savor the flavors and coldness. When you are driving, notice how your car is truly an amazing invention that is taking you from point A to point T so effortlessly and easily. “Being irresistible means you take full responsibility for your life. That means recognising that you’ve engineered your life to be exactly the way it is right now” - excerpt from the book.
Your thoughts are lies
This has got to be one of the big aha moment / learning for me. We have like 50k-60K thoughts in a day and we forget that these thoughts are based on our past. Past that does not spell out the present or future. Just because you dated a stingy vile man once does no mean all men are like that or you will keep dating vile men. Your thoughts are lying to you. Marie Forleo said it better “ most of those thoughts are the same ones we have yesterday and the day before. This means that unconsciously, we’re feeding ourselves the same inaccurate info over and over again. No wonder nothing ever seems to change. The way out of this silly loop is to really examine your thoughts and what you believe, and why you believe it in the first place and is it serving you?”
A relationship does not save you or make you happy
If you think a relationship will make you whole or “you complete me “falseness, then think again. Remember that you are the hero of your own life movie and only you can be there and save yourself. A relationship is a coming together of connectedness between you and another person, it is a partnership that both parties enter into willingly and no one is to save you or change you. And you can’t save or change the other person either.
Be authentic and vulnerable, be your own weird and quirky
Stay true to yourself and do not change your uniqueness for anyone. To act and pretend to be someone you are not is a tough act to do and to follow through for a long time. You are not meant for everybody but you will be important to somebody. Find someone that complements you and allows you to be who you truly are. Do not shy away from your quirks and weirdness. The world celebrates people who are vulnerable and authenticity and you just need to have boundaries and be selective of who has earned your trust to see that. “Don’t wait until find someone. You are someone”.
Laugh out loud and do it often
Laugh and find more opportunities to laugh. That’s all. Laughing will make you totally irresistible.
Stop judging yourself and others
Stop being critical of yourself and others. This is very similar to complaining and a judgy person will have judgy friends. Mature and Intelligent adults will see through all your judgements because people who are judgy are usually very insecure about themselves. How do you stop being judgy? By appreciating and being kind to youself first. What you do to yourselves will emanate on how you treat others. Judging others is a habit you have developed and like any habit, you can drop it. Truly understand the reason behind why you judge so that you can find a real solution to it.
Own your story
In the book, Marie advocated that you drop your story. I would say embrace your story because your story makes you special and that you can be proud of how far you’ve come and what made you in the first place. You can own your story and be totally irresistible so go ignite it now with the tips above.
Lastly, very important tip from the book: “Being authentically irrestible means surrendering to the fact that there are not guarantees in life or love. Life is change. Flowers bloom, then die, then bloom again. The weather knows no rest. The sun rises and sets everyday. The tides are forever flowing to and fro. Season change. Nothing is permanent (Wabi Sabi wisdom!!!!). It’s the very nature of our universe to be ever expanding, ever shifting, ever growing. Expect no guarantees in love….Marie Forleo, Make Every Men Want You